In defense of not having it all figured out

Weekly letter #39, on perfectionism, getting married, and making videos again.

Hi there!

Soooo… I'll be honest with you. I had no idea what to say in this letter when I started writing it. 😅 Not much has been going on here lately that I feel is relevant, or relevant enough, to you.

I have painted a little bit, but haven't finished anything, so I don't have anything to show there.

I have read lots of books, but they've all been by Swedish authors.

I have gotten married. But I haven't received any of the photos from it yet, so I can't even show you that. 😂

Basically, the only thing I can show you is this little baby hare that's been hanging around our house this past week, and whom me and my husband have photographed and filmed and obsessed over endlessly:

And that's kind of it.

But I chose to write to you anyway, because I remembered three things:

1. Sometimes, life isn't that much interesting and wow-worthy. And that's okay.

2. Whenever you think to yourself "Nah, no one's gonna care anyway. I'm not interesting enough. I don't have anything to say" - That's trademark perfectionist-speak. Learn to recognize it. And always, always challenge it.

3. I appreciate hearing from the creators I follow even when they don't think they have anything interesting to say or show. So why shouldn't I show up in the same say?

So here I am, apparently still finding something to write about. And sometimes, something is better than nothing.

Last week, we got married. Neither me nor my partner care much for traditions, ceremonies, or big parties. It took us three years to realize what kind of wedding we actually wanted: something short, simple and relaxed, with not too many people present, followed by a "honeymoon" overnight stay at a spa hotel, and a big lunch with family the next day. And it turned out perfect. Couldn't have wished for anything better. And now, we're finally married, 15 years after we first met. The love of my life. 🖤

No paintings, but a beautiful wedding bouquet, courtesy of my mom. 😌

This week, I've mostly been resting and taking care of chores at home.

I also happened to make a video, which I published yesterday. It’s a spontaneous little update on why I've been away from YouTube for six months and what I've been up to. Primarily for my YouTube audience. Nothing you, my dear email friend, won't have already heard about in these letters. 😘

It was so fun to film again... I think - think - I might want to start making regular videos again. Almost don't want to say it out loud, in case I jinx it. As you might know, I've been back and forth on YouTube sooo many times now, it's embarrasing. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't have it all figured out. I don't have a 5-year plan for my business. I don't really know what I'm doing and where I'm going. I’m simply feeling my way forward. I've been struggling with burnout on and off for years now, and have had to abandon my old habits of ambitious goal setting and hustling. The best I can do is keep doing what lights me up and energizes me, because that's the only way I'll able to keep going at all. And what lights me up and energizes me changes frequently, unfortunately. As per the curse of the multi-passionate.

But right now, I'm exicted as hell about making art, and making videos. I've missed my weekly production process: the filming, the editing, everything. I've grown a bit bored and understimulated without it. And so now, I have several videos in production, and lots more planned. We'll see how long it lasts. 😅

Now, I'll leave you to enjoy your Friday, and weekend. Thank you for being on this journey with me. 🖤

With love,

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New video:

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Some favorite things:

• The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

  Goodness me, I've waited for this game for so many years, and now it's finally here. I'm over the moon. It's all I want to do, all the time. I finally get to spend time in this world again. And the freaky part is, this game is apparently even bigger than Breath of the Wild, with is unfathomable. I have my summer taken care of. I mean, lying in the sun and bathing in the ocean are all well and good. But when those 30+ degrees celsius days come, I'm going to be playing videos games in an air-conditioned room. Just sayin.

• Currently reading Into The Drowning Deep, by Mira Grant. A horror novel about mermaids. It’s…okay so far, 150 pages in. Not too fond of the “endless backstory about minor characters you’ve just met” recurring theme though. We’ll see what happens.

• Relating SO much to Kelsey Rodriguez's latest video, about burnout and not having it all figured out. Love relaxed, personal, chatty videos like this:

• This ambience video, which I love having in the background while practicing watercolor landscapes: