The joy of being a student

Thoughts on teaching, studying, and being multi-passionate.

Hi friend. I hope you're well. 🖤

No letter last week, you might have noticed. Sorry about that. I had an...incident. Slipped a disc in my lower back, which led to lots of pain, bad sleep, not being able to sit (or stand, or lie down) and hence, very little work getting done. I’ve never had back problems before so this really scared the crap out of me. I've spent several nights crying, thinking my life's over. (I can be overdramatic at times...) But these types of injuries are common, and luckily heal in a few weeks with proper care. These previous two days have been mostly pain-free and I'm so relieved to finally be able to make art again, and finish a video project, and write to you.

(If you're someone who's living with chronic pain: I have gotten a tiny glimpse of what you're going through, and I'm humbled. Can't imagine the bravery and strength required to get up every morning and face that. You have my respect.)

I'm currently stepping back from the novella writing, in favour of my art practice. It might be all the plotting I did prior to my injury that scared me off a bit. You know, when you've cooked up a story you're really exited about, but then realise that you're the one who's going to have to write it, and so you slump back in your chair and just want to go watch Netflix. 🙈

Or it might be the fact that I'm growing more and more obsessed with charcoal portaits…

Current studio wall: pretty much divided equally between watercolor birds and charcoal faces.

I told you in my previous letter that I felt like I had made a breakthough in my practice and started to find my style. Well, it seems I lost it again. 😂

That ever happen to you? One day you're on a roll, thinking you've "unlocked the secret", and leveled up your skills. But then the next day, nothing works anymore and it's like you dreamed it all? That's how I’ve felt about my portraits lately. And nothing gets me as motivated as not living up to my own standards. So now, I'm going all-in. I'm deepening my obsession. I want to be able to draw powerful, dramatic, and accurate charcoal portraits. And I'm willing to do what it takes to get there. (Lots and lots of disciplined practice.)

Practice, practice, practice…

I've been struggling with creating my next Skillshare class for many weeks now, and I don't know if it's because I'm suffering a bout of imposter syndrome, or if it's a healthy sign of humbleness. I don't want to add to the noise out there. So many people are teaching courses that aren't ready to do so. Especially Skillshare is overflowing with half-baked, low-quality classes from people who clearly have not done the work themselves. I guess that's an inevitable side effect of a platform that allows anyone to create content. From a teacher's point of view, I'm grateful for such a platform. I would have very little income without it. But from the perspective of a student, I'm concerned. Because it makes it harder to find the good stuff, and to discern between good and bad advice.

Don't get me wrong: variety is great. I don't believe you have to be a master in order to teacher others, or that you need super-high production value on your videos. Platforms like Skillshare make it possible for students to find a teacher who ticks all their boxes: preferred art medium and subject, skill level, and teaching style. That's great. I've certainly benefitted from learning from a wide array of teachers in my art journey.

But there’s something special about learning from people who are not only extremely talented artists but also experienced teachers. I'm excited to be taking a course by one of my charcoal heroes, Nathan Fowkes. I shared a video of his in my previous letter. I've been in awe of is art for a while, but had somehow missed that he teaches a course. So when I found out, I was willing to pay almost any amount to learn from him. 😂

I mean they just knock the breath right out of me… Source: Instagram

This is a self-paced online course designed as a 9-week curriculum. (Which I appreciate, in a world of quick 30-minute workshops.) And I'm having so much fun. I love being a student again. Practicing the way I used to back in 2020, before I started my YouTube channel and Skillshare teacher profile.

When you're creating content, there's always this trap of wanting to seem more talented and experienced and put together than you actually are. We're all guilty of this. Few people want to show their failures, and their metaphorical dirty laundry. One thing I love about Nathan's course is that he's completely open about the mistakes he makes, and he uses them as teachable moments. Calm and confident. That inspires me both as an artist and as a teacher. I will probably come out of this course, not only a better portrait artist, but a better instructor as well.

But for now, I'm going to relish just being a student for a while. I'm going to sacrifice some of my reading and video game time to be in my little practice bubble. Making lots of mistakes, analyzing my weaknesses, and trying again and again and again.

And I might make more videos on YouTube instead, where I don't feel the same pressure to be an expert. Where I can just share my learning journey. Which I think can be just as inspiring as the more tutorial-y stuff...

What do you think? Are you more inspired by "tips and advice" content, or by a fellow student's journey?

And speaking of YouTube, this week's video is one I've been trying to make for over a month now. So happy to finally get it out there. If you read my essay on being multi-passionate, you might enjoy this one as well. Or you can just watch it for the watercolor bird action. 🤗

I'm off to a (very gentle) gym session in the basement, and then there will probably be some video gaming… Now that I can finally sit again, without pain. 🎉

I bid you a relaxing and/or exciting weekend, whichever type of weekend you prefer. And I'll see you again next Friday!

With love,

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New video: "How do I choose between my many creative passions?" (Advice from a multi-passionate creative)

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Reading:

"Time to read", an essay by Substack co-founder Hamish McKenzie:

Time to read

This feels like a manifesto for a new era of reading and writing online. It highlights the problems we're facing:

"The economic model for supporting content on the internet sucks. It does not put readers first. Twitter and TikTok are addictive because they are serving advertisers, zeroing in on the most titillating content to keep us in a perpetual state of not-quite-satisfaction—but close!—so that we follow our thumbs for just one… more… scroll. Meanwhile, the ad-focused business model that supported print media for hundreds of years has been vaporized by the internet, so aggressive paywalling and race-to-the-bottom ad-overload is all the legacy outlets have left.

The last decade-plus of the internet has stripped writers and readers of a basic sense of agency."

But the essay also gets me excited about the future. I love Substack and what it's allowing me to do (finally grow my email list and have fun sending newsletters.) And this essay reassures me that this company's values align with my own. But it’s not just about Substack. There are many similar platforms popping up now, allowing writers and content creators to be supported directly by their audience, with minimal distractions. A welcome change to all these years we've spent hustling for algorithms and being preyed upon by ad-driven (social) media companies.

"I love knowing that for every $1 that Substack gets, the writer gets $9. I feel invested in the writer’s project alongside them. I know that when I click on one of their posts, my mind will be nourished instead of depleted. Every time I read a writer on Substack, it’s an act of reclaiming my mind from social media."

(Speaking of which: If you have $5 a month to spare, consider becoming a paid subscriber. It lets me know that you value what I create and want to support me. 🖤)

Bookwise, I'm 75% though The Ink Black Heart by Robert Galbraith, and I want it to NEVER end. I had high expectations for this book, but I never imagined it'd be over 1200 pages and still keep me glued like this. I generally don't like too long books, since they rarely keep up pacing and intrigue enough to justify their page count. This one does, and I'm so impressed. I'm dreading for it to be over. 😭

Watching:

Creator Dynamics on YouTube: "Are Creators Editing TOO MUCH?"

This is a much needed discussion of a trend that's annoying me more and more. This "TikTok-ifying" of YouTube, where creators seem to compete over who can maintain a damaged attention span the most forcefully. It's tiresome.

But it's also more complicated than that. Skillful storytelling and editing do create a more enjoyable viewing experience. I've definitely grown more picky with the types of videos I choose to watch. I have less patience for poor production quality. But when you can sense that the creator is trying too hard, it has the opposite effect on me. I feel manipulated. So it's a fine line to walk as a video creator.

My strategy is to constantly remind myself that I'm making the types of videos that I would like to watch, with a production quality that I am capable of delivering, long-term. I could spend two extra days a week recording B-roll and cramming my video with more shots and graphics and sound effects. It would probably grow my channel a lot quicker. But I would end up hating my job and burning put. Worth it? Not for me. It's a decision every creator has to make for themselves.

Listening:

Mostly ambience right now, while reading on the couch. I can finally put all of those spooky, cozy autumn ambiences I've gathered to use. Thunderstorms, howling winds, crackling fireplaces, all that good stuff. Here are a few favorites to read, write, paint, or practice your craft to: