The inner critic part resonates so much, as I have also been so incredibly harsh with myself and punished myself mentally to oblivion for every mistake, or bad decision - but also for things that I loved and enjoyed as well. Nothing escaped the critic. And the more I exposed myself to a variety of opinions on the internet, the worse it got and brought so many doubts and so much fear that it stopped me from being creative (in any form) altogether.
Luckily, I started changing the way I view things; and treating myself with kindness and compassion has allowed me to break out of my mental prison.
I feel my creativity returning and I'm much happier and at peace now. And not feeling the pressure to post and document everything has also help reaching this peace so much. I'm having so much fun with creating and experimenting without this constant fear and feeling that "I'm doing something wrong". Embracing mistakes, failures, and all states of being in totality is so liberating because from that point on there is so much to learn.
Thank you for all your honesty and authenticity, your posts are always like a lighthouse in a storm 🧡
Ugh, I relate so much. The internet amplifies the inner critic by 1000%. It's hard to combat that. As much as I wished I could just create from a no-comparison sanctuary, that's not always possible. What really helps me is reminding myself that I can enjoy creating without being great at it. Just as one can enjoy singing and dancing without being good at it. There's something pure and peaceful about that. About not trying so hard. 😊
So true, Louise!! It took me a while to realize this, but I finally understood that my inner critic was nothing but internalized criticisms from outside sources. It's difficult to curb that tendency of searching for where we're falling short in order to "fix" ourselves to oblivion, but actually what freed my most authentic work was turning away from exterior pleasing tendencies and truly listening to my own self and sense of compass (regardless of what others might have to say about it). It's difficult, as my inner critic is trying to manipulate through shame and blame, but the further I stay from things that are trying to plant seeds of doubt about myself, or trying to create confusion of any kind, the more my creative voice and genuine curiosity flourishes. That pure, child-like, wonder not attached to performance that you are describing. I feel like the space you have created here is that no-comparisson sanctuary where we can self-reflect without feeling pushed against a wall...
I have to comment again as you keep making me nod and laugh. About you reading a book on abstract painting, here's what pops up for me: a while ago, I read the story of a US artist who is self-taught and unlike the majority of people who get into fine art and graphic design and illustration these days, she chose to stay away from social media and the internet. She wanted zero external influence. I share this story because I found it very unique and pretty because when I saw her art, she had developed a style very unique and out of the ordinary indeed. This would require immense faith in oneself I would imagine. But I admire her achievement.
And funny enough, I can relate with you to some extent about book reading. For me it would be "let's find a course online". But I've caught myself a few times now telling myself.....when my head seeks too much outside influence, it's OK. I do not need outside influence. It's ok to play and let my heart have fun. The only rule is to enjoy the process. And I do think it takes a lot of courage to let go of all we know and let the heart and spirit lead the painting session. Easy to say yes but very hard to do indeed.
One thing I also learnt through art journaling and paper crafting is to turn ugly into beauty. Any time I'm in the mood for some watercolour or gouache painting for journaling, if I end up thinking it looks ugly and dull, I'd start cutting my sheet into small cards and before you know it, I've become excited by what I'm looking at because I start imagining the various things I could do with them that would make them look pretty. I love seeing that kind of mess being turned into beauty.
I came to abstract painting as I was looking for an art form that would cut down on the stress all other creative processes had put on me. And I immediately loved the freedom of abstract.
I love when you say it has a "heart beat" :-)
Letting go of all these mental obstacles isn't easy but I have hope I will get better at it if I keep practicing letting go.
Thank you very much for this beautifully written post!
That's such a great lesson. I find it so hard nowadays to do things "in isolation", and trust my own instincts. Not doing so feels like going off the rails, and venturing out into the unknown. It's scary. I'm so inspired by stories like this, and I wish I had the discipline of shielding myself more from the influence of others. I know it would probably work wonders for my creative development. 😊
Hi, Louise, I have been reading your essay and really craved for abstract painting. The thing I realised is that I only took 3 small brushes with me from Moscow. Small brushes are lovely for certain type of work, but they restrain this freedom of splashes sometimes.
Luckily a friend of ours had to take a trip back to Russia in February/March, and she will bring me my big girl brush from home.
Also I plan to take your writing like an abstract painter advices seriously and try to apply it to my writing!
Hi Louise, out of all places, I found this post on Pinterest today :-) I love how you so beautifully describe and write about perfectionism! A few years ago a professional painter told me this: no fine artist - and I would imagine this guidance applies to all artists - can ever flourish unless they are able to first and foremost make art playfully for themselves. This got me thinking and I came to the conclusion that developing the ability to make art playfully for ourselves is stage No.1 in one's creative journey. It has been a struggle for me, so I am taking the steps I need to change this now. All those mental and emotional barriers we give ourselves ....just do nothing to help our creative enjoyment, wellbeing and the quality of the art we make in the end.
The inner critic part resonates so much, as I have also been so incredibly harsh with myself and punished myself mentally to oblivion for every mistake, or bad decision - but also for things that I loved and enjoyed as well. Nothing escaped the critic. And the more I exposed myself to a variety of opinions on the internet, the worse it got and brought so many doubts and so much fear that it stopped me from being creative (in any form) altogether.
Luckily, I started changing the way I view things; and treating myself with kindness and compassion has allowed me to break out of my mental prison.
I feel my creativity returning and I'm much happier and at peace now. And not feeling the pressure to post and document everything has also help reaching this peace so much. I'm having so much fun with creating and experimenting without this constant fear and feeling that "I'm doing something wrong". Embracing mistakes, failures, and all states of being in totality is so liberating because from that point on there is so much to learn.
Thank you for all your honesty and authenticity, your posts are always like a lighthouse in a storm 🧡
Ugh, I relate so much. The internet amplifies the inner critic by 1000%. It's hard to combat that. As much as I wished I could just create from a no-comparison sanctuary, that's not always possible. What really helps me is reminding myself that I can enjoy creating without being great at it. Just as one can enjoy singing and dancing without being good at it. There's something pure and peaceful about that. About not trying so hard. 😊
Thank you so much for saying that. 🖤
So true, Louise!! It took me a while to realize this, but I finally understood that my inner critic was nothing but internalized criticisms from outside sources. It's difficult to curb that tendency of searching for where we're falling short in order to "fix" ourselves to oblivion, but actually what freed my most authentic work was turning away from exterior pleasing tendencies and truly listening to my own self and sense of compass (regardless of what others might have to say about it). It's difficult, as my inner critic is trying to manipulate through shame and blame, but the further I stay from things that are trying to plant seeds of doubt about myself, or trying to create confusion of any kind, the more my creative voice and genuine curiosity flourishes. That pure, child-like, wonder not attached to performance that you are describing. I feel like the space you have created here is that no-comparisson sanctuary where we can self-reflect without feeling pushed against a wall...
I have to comment again as you keep making me nod and laugh. About you reading a book on abstract painting, here's what pops up for me: a while ago, I read the story of a US artist who is self-taught and unlike the majority of people who get into fine art and graphic design and illustration these days, she chose to stay away from social media and the internet. She wanted zero external influence. I share this story because I found it very unique and pretty because when I saw her art, she had developed a style very unique and out of the ordinary indeed. This would require immense faith in oneself I would imagine. But I admire her achievement.
And funny enough, I can relate with you to some extent about book reading. For me it would be "let's find a course online". But I've caught myself a few times now telling myself.....when my head seeks too much outside influence, it's OK. I do not need outside influence. It's ok to play and let my heart have fun. The only rule is to enjoy the process. And I do think it takes a lot of courage to let go of all we know and let the heart and spirit lead the painting session. Easy to say yes but very hard to do indeed.
One thing I also learnt through art journaling and paper crafting is to turn ugly into beauty. Any time I'm in the mood for some watercolour or gouache painting for journaling, if I end up thinking it looks ugly and dull, I'd start cutting my sheet into small cards and before you know it, I've become excited by what I'm looking at because I start imagining the various things I could do with them that would make them look pretty. I love seeing that kind of mess being turned into beauty.
I came to abstract painting as I was looking for an art form that would cut down on the stress all other creative processes had put on me. And I immediately loved the freedom of abstract.
I love when you say it has a "heart beat" :-)
Letting go of all these mental obstacles isn't easy but I have hope I will get better at it if I keep practicing letting go.
Thank you very much for this beautifully written post!
Have a lovely day!
That's such a great lesson. I find it so hard nowadays to do things "in isolation", and trust my own instincts. Not doing so feels like going off the rails, and venturing out into the unknown. It's scary. I'm so inspired by stories like this, and I wish I had the discipline of shielding myself more from the influence of others. I know it would probably work wonders for my creative development. 😊
Thank you for this beautiful comment. 🖤
Hi, Louise, I have been reading your essay and really craved for abstract painting. The thing I realised is that I only took 3 small brushes with me from Moscow. Small brushes are lovely for certain type of work, but they restrain this freedom of splashes sometimes.
Luckily a friend of ours had to take a trip back to Russia in February/March, and she will bring me my big girl brush from home.
Also I plan to take your writing like an abstract painter advices seriously and try to apply it to my writing!
Haha, I love that word. "Big girl brush". 😌
I always smile a lot when I read your posts. 👏👏👏
That makes me so happy to hear. 😊
Hi Louise, out of all places, I found this post on Pinterest today :-) I love how you so beautifully describe and write about perfectionism! A few years ago a professional painter told me this: no fine artist - and I would imagine this guidance applies to all artists - can ever flourish unless they are able to first and foremost make art playfully for themselves. This got me thinking and I came to the conclusion that developing the ability to make art playfully for ourselves is stage No.1 in one's creative journey. It has been a struggle for me, so I am taking the steps I need to change this now. All those mental and emotional barriers we give ourselves ....just do nothing to help our creative enjoyment, wellbeing and the quality of the art we make in the end.