Making friends as an introvert
Thoughts on loneliness, using your voice, and finding your people.
Happy Friday, friend. We've made it through another week. 🥳
I won't bore you with the details of mine, as they're not very exciting right now. Haven't gotten any art made at all this week. Instead, there's been a lot of fixing around the house, buying and selling furniture, physical therapy visits, et.c.
I'm amazed I got any work done, but apparently I did. 😂 Releasing a new video today, and it's all about Substack: What it is, why I love it so much, and how to use it to start and grow an email list/newsletter. And I realized that this ties together with a topic that recently came to my attention.
A few weeks ago, I received a beautiful letter from a subscriber, with a question submitted to my advice column. Wait, do I have an advice column? Apparently, I do! Turns out, I floated the idea in a newsletter a few months back and then forgot about it. 😅 And this email was actually the first submission I'd gotten for the advice column.
Initially, I was disappointed in myself. I didn't feel at all capable of giving a good answer to this question, which was about friendship and making new friends online. And that's what I replied to this person. That I'm an über introvert with a very low requirement for social interaction. I have my small circle of family and friends around me, and apart from that, I don't have the time or energy to make new friends or be social. So maybe I wasn't the best person to give advice on this.
But then I thought some more about it, and realized how much social satisfaction I get from my work. Yes, I do my work alone, from a house on the countryside. But I get to use my voice, share my life, show my face, have meaningful discussions, and connect with likeminded people every week. Writing these newsletters feels to me like writing to a close friend. If I didn't have my YouTube channel and my newsletter, would I feel lonely and isolated? Probably, at least a little bit. Especially since I don't use social media. (It never felt like true friendship anyway.)
By following other people like me online, connecting with them, and at the same time sharing my life and work, and building my own little community, I feel very socially fulfilled. (In my own, highly sensitive introvert-way.)
Does that mean that I think everyone who's lonely should start a newsletter and/or a YouTube channel? Of course not. I realize there are people who actually like travelling, partying, going to social gatherings and meeting people face to face, but maybe they're just shy or don't have the means to do these things. That's an entirely different matter, and one I'm not qualified to speak to.
But then there are those of us who are introverted, sensitive, and maybe a bit "deep" and “weird”. Who love to express ourselves, to write long letters, to show our art. Who want to build a circle of likeminded friends, but have limited energy or opportunities to be social IRL.
And to these people, I would like to say:
Start putting yourself out there, online, in whatever format calls to you. Don't worry about the "rules" or what experts say you "should" do. Figure out the most exciting, most fulfilling, most true way for YOU to express yourself, to show your art, to talk about the things you love to talk about. And create that platform for yourself. It might be a blog, or a podcast, or a YouTube channel, or a newsletter. I really recommend Substack for newsletters, and I give you a little beginner's guide + tour in this week's video.
Start sharing your life and work regularly. Write, or talk, as if to a close, likeminded friend. Be entirely yourself.
Follow other online creatives and connect with them, comment on their stuff, interview them, propose a collaboration.
Do this, and I promise you, your people will find you. Your content is a magnet that will pull your people towards you, and let them get to know you from the comfort of their homes. Some of your subscribers might become friends. Other creators might as well. It's a lot easier now that you already have lots in common.
This, I believe, is the best way to forge true friendships online, as an introvert. Flexibly, creatively, on your own terms. And without having to live in a certain place, going to mentally exhausting social gatherings, being on social media, or trying to make IRL coffee dates happen.
What are your thoughts on making friends as an introvert? Let's continue the discussion in the comments:
And with that, the advice column is officially kicked off!
If you want my advice on something related to art, creativity, creative business building, mindset, mental health, or any of the topics you've seen me talk about in videos or in essays, please write to me. You can be anonymous of course. Simply reply to one of my newsletters, or email me directly at louise@louisestigell.com.
I want to add a disclaimer about emails: Ever since my burnout, replying to emails has been very difficult for me, the most exhausting part of my job. I now receive a greater number of emails than ever, and even though (or especially because) they're all nice emails, I struggle to reply to them in a timely fashion. If you've sent an email and haven't gotten a response from me, it might be because I haven't had the time to give you the respose I feel you deserve. Or it might be because I simply don't have the time to get back to everyone, especially if it's a long email and there's no clear question there for me to answer. That does not mean I didn't appreciate your email. It's just the limitations of my work. I can no longer get back to everyone who writes to me, or respond to every comment on YouTube. Not if I want to stay sane and get my work done each week. I hope you can understand that, I that you don't take my silence personally. ❤️
Now, I'm off to see my physical therapist. Then I'm looking forward to a weekend of reading and board games.
Have a beautiful All Saint's Day, if you celebrate that. I, unfortunately, don't live near any of my relatives’ graves and can't visit them. But I will be lighting a candle and thinking about my loved ones that have passed.
Wishing you a relaxing weekend. 🖤
With love,
New video: How Substack FINALLY helped me grow my email list:
Reading:
Reading is still going slow, so slow. But I'm right at the end of John Ajvide Lindqvist's Skriften i vattnet ("The writing in the water"). I hate to say, I'm not impressed. This story didn't grab me at all, nor did the characters. Possibly, it's just not for me. It seems like a lot of other people like it, and I still hope the book goes well for him. 😊
Watching:
Have I shared anything by Adam Duff (LUCIDPIXUL) here before? I don't think so, so it's about time. He is easily one of the most genuine, sensitive, sane and comforting people on YouTube. I love his style of videos, and listening to him always makes me feel less alone and anxious.
And another great one from one of my favorite channels, The School Of Life:
Listening:
I guess Adam Duff's channel counts as listening here. Even though I enjoy watching him work, his videos are pretty long, and I prefer to listen to them while I'm making art. Feels like we're hanging out, painting together. 😊
Gaming:
Me and my partner are board game obsessed right now. We just started playing a new game called Nemesis, which I immedately fell madly in love with. My favorite movie of all time is Aliens, the horror film by James Cameron from 1986. I'm a huge horror fan in general, but I have a special place in my heart for old-school space horror. And this game is like being in one of those movies. Waking up from hyperspace to find the spaceship invaded by aliens, and having to work together (or against each other) to reach goals and escape.
It's a beautifully designed game, and completely addictive. We're having a friend over tomorrow to play it. 😌
I am here as an extravert who wants to learn from introvert people. Because my tendency is to overstretch my communicating capabilities. I genuinely enjoy listening other people and talking with them and building connections. I get inspired, in awe, in love, appreciate other people. But more often I feel over exhausted after that. I even thought that maybe I am an introvert really. After some consideration I had to reject this idea, I am an extravert, but the one who definitely needs to teach herself to feel better - when is it the time to take a break, to stay quiet, or slow down. I need to take more care about the inner well of my recourses. Because empty well is not fun at all.
I also think that before it was easier for me, because I didn't have a kid, and I am still perceiving myself as a person with the same amount of recourse as I was before becoming a mom. Now communicating with a kiddo takes away a lot of my energy, also my sleeping schedule is limping. So in the end I really need to keep it in mind. But I tend to forget. And not care about my sanity. It is SO interesting.
Thank you for your email, Louise <3
Ah, Louise! What perfect timing you have! Yes, I am here on Substack too, because of you actually, but I haven’t yet quite got things where I’d like them to be in this platform, in terms of using all of the tools here as intended. Thank you for taking the time to create a video about how you’re using Substack.
I’m likewise a sometimes overwhelmed and always highly sensitive person. To manage my life well, I’ve recently found out how important it is to take things slowly. When I found you (via the Podcast episode you did with Kelsey and Al), I knew that I had found someone who finds success despite being someone who also takes certain things more slowly. I greatly appreciate that you talk over those aspects of your business, and how you place how you’re feeling over other projects or people’s expectations. I won’t go on too long. Thanks very much!!!